Coming back to dating after a long marriage, a bereavement or years of being busy with family is a big step, and the last thing anyone wants is to be taken advantage of. Romance scammers know that people starting again are often open-hearted and trusting, and they set out to exploit exactly that. The good news is that their methods follow a familiar pattern, and once you know it, it's much easier to spot.

Start with the ID verified tick

Members who verify their identity carry a visible tick on their profile. It isn't compulsory, so plenty of genuine members won't have one yet, but it's a reassuring sign that someone is the person in their photos. Verifying your own profile is worthwhile too: it shows others you're genuine.

Warning signs on a profile

  • Photos that look like a magazine shoot. Very polished, professional or model-like pictures are often taken from somewhere else. A reverse image search will usually show if they appear elsewhere online.
  • Very few photos, or none that show everyday life. Most real people have a mix: family occasions, holidays, the garden, the dog.
  • A job that keeps them far away. Working on an oil rig, serving overseas, a contract abroad or a doctor with a charity: stories like these give a ready-made reason never to meet.
  • A profile that says very little. Generic phrases that could describe anyone, with no real detail about their life.

Warning signs in conversation

  • Strong feelings, very quickly. Talk of love, soulmates or a future together before you've even met.
  • A push to move off the site. Asking for your phone number, WhatsApp or email straight away, often so the conversation can't be monitored.
  • Always a reason not to meet or video call. A broken camera, a poor connection, a last-minute crisis, every single time.
  • Lots of questions about your finances. Your home, your pension, your savings or whether you live alone.
  • Messages that don't quite add up. Details that change, or replies that seem copied and pasted rather than written to you.

Then comes the request

Sooner or later, a scammer will ask for money. It is rarely put that bluntly. It might be an emergency medical bill, a fee to release a parcel or an inheritance, help with a plane ticket so they can finally visit, or an "investment opportunity" they want to share with you. However sad or urgent the story, and however long you've been talking, the answer is always no.

Never send money, gift cards or bank details to anyone you've met online, and never share passwords or let anyone access your accounts. A genuine match will never ask.

Keep your conversations on The Silver Pond

Private messaging keeps your conversations inside the site until you choose to share other contact details, so you stay in control of what you share and when. Take your time. Get to know someone through messages, then have a phone or video call before agreeing to meet. Someone who's genuinely interested will be happy to go at your pace.

What to do if you're worried

If a profile or a message doesn't feel right, report it using the report option on their profile or in the conversation, so our team can look into it, and block them to stop any further contact. Our customer success team is available around the clock by phone, live chat or support ticket if you'd like to talk it through.

If you think you may already have sent money or shared financial details, contact your bank straight away using the number on the back of your card, and report it to Action Fraud, the UK's national reporting centre for fraud. Being scammed is never your fault, and the sooner you act, the more can be done.

A gentle word for friends and family

If someone you love has started dating online, it's worth sharing this guide with them. Scammers often encourage secrecy, so a relaxed, no-judgement chat about who they're talking to can make all the difference.